People You Meet on LinkedIn

They Put the “Work” in Networking

The Brofessional

You can’t spend five minutes on LinkedIn without receiving an unprofessional DM from this doucher. For some reason, they can’t tell the difference between a professional social network and a hookup app meant for horny twenty-somethings to “date.” No matter how many times you politely remind them that you’re here looking for a job, they seem to think they can change your mind with an overwhelmingly disappointing and in no way solicited dick pic. You wonder how the hell they’ve managed to keep their job…until you notice they work for themselves (i.e. they’re their own HR department).

The Clickbaiter

You’re baffled by their tens of thousands of followers and millions of views on their posts…until you realize you’ve wasted the past seven minutes watching a puppy video they posted that somehow relates to collaboration in the workplace. You also notice they have a daily ritual of sharing a (poorly) Photoshopped photo of themself with someone famous, which begs the question, “What do they actually do?” Oooh, they’re a “Digital Marketing Expert.” Yeah, that sounds about right.

The Cold Caller

We get it — it’s a cutthroat world out there, and closed mouths don’t get fed. The…