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Things I’d Rather Do Than Listen to You Rant About Crypto
Blah Blah Blockchain Blah Blah
2 min readMay 6, 2022
- Clean my apartment.
- FaceTime my parents.
- Try CrossFit. Even once.
- Read Infinite Jest unironically.
- Watch every episode of Seinfeld.
- Take an MBA course taught by Elizabeth Holmes.
- Clean every bathroom stall at Mar-a-Lago. Twice.
- Run a 5K while sipping Malört through a CamelBak.
- Listen to the entirety of The Joe Rogan Experience on .5x speed.
- Eat gas station sushi for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for an entire week.
- Do Bikram yoga for two hours while the instructor tases me every five minutes.
- Work a Black Friday shift at Barnes & Noble. But not a standalone store — one of those stores that is attached to a mall.
- Listen Gilbert Gottfried read all of Apple’s Terms & Conditions face to face.
- Bathe in the self-loathing that comes from the look on my dog’s face while I’m clipping her toenails.
- Suffer through a two hour Zoom meeting where my co-worker is chewing soggy cereal…and there’s no “Mute” button.
- Sit in front of a TV…
